Ahhhhhhh, bonjour American friend. I hope you weel forgeeve mah strong fronch accent.
Thees letter come to you all the way from France, home of ze world’s best lovers. We know you people just have -- how you say -- Valentining Day, but in Paree, ees always a season for loving. We make love morning, noon and night. A leetle beet of wine, a leetle beet of cheese, a leetle beet of love. Ees nice, you should try.
Hey! You want I will help you send a message of love? Your lips say "no" but your heart is saying "Oui, oui, but of course!" So I help you discover ze secrets of love.
Just answer these questions and I take care of the rest.